Communication is fundamentally the key and this should begin by talking about wanting and expecting the same or similar things, this forms the pivotal importance of a healthy relationship.
It often seems easier to dwell on something that has hurt you within a relationship, or ruminate on the event, words or behaviours that have occurred, does it solve the problem? No it makes it worse. So why do it, find another way to share what has upset and bothered you, communicate.
Respect, trust and mutual values are so significant ingredients to have within the healthy relationship. Once broken or trodden on carelessly, then they leave a trail of scars behind, painful wounds that are very difficult to heal.
Most individuals argue or disagree at some stage of their relationship about certain issues, this is part of life. However, it is imperative that compromises can be considered, if possible and if indeed that’s the way forward. Sometimes it is better to agree to disagree and draw a line under the problem. Some issues, in reality will never be resolved, particularly if they involve other individuals whether that be family members, ex partners or friends. But in some way there needs to be communication to allow both of you to feel that you have been heard and understood by each other. That won’t always mean the situation has been resolved just understood from both perspectives and remembered by both parties.
To break this agreement equates to a lack of respect, trust and personal value, it means that you have violated the healthy relationship.
Equilibrium within relationships is a fantastic goal to aspire to. This equates to both parties feeling encouraged, supported and reassured when necessary. There will be times when the equilibrium balance alters, as with most things, but the balance will be understandable and not controlling or negative. If the balance shifts in a negative fashion that will be mean that the individual has possibly/probably broken the original agreement, whatever that might have been. This can then result in the beginning of the difficulties and the wounds. Many couples overcome this type of lack of respect once, however if it occurs again it’s important to first ascertain the plausibility of the excuse and secondly decide if they can actually be trusted with your love and respect. ‘Once bitten twice shy!’ It’s important to ascertain what it is the individual doesn’t understand about your wishes and feelings, why do they fail to hear your communications?
Healthy relationships are in essence transparent but do involve specific boundaries and privacy elements too. Boundaries are an expression of what each individual wants in their life and also what they don’t want. Boundaries are not an excuse to be secretive or distrustful, they are clear and open requests, that when ignored, dismissed or simply over ridden will create an atmosphere of hurt, distrust and disloyalty.
Being in a healthy relationship means that you feel safe and supported within an honest and respected partnership where the boundaries are not only understood but carried out too. By leaving out any of these ingredients is as good as leaving them all out.